Discretion Goes Both Ways
It’s good to remember this, so everyone is happy and comfortable.
My own personal guidelines are as follows:
1. Any time you’re outside my door, don’t call me, “Mistress” or similar, and that includes not calling me “Mistress” or talking about your fetishes on your cell phone as you’re walking from your car to my door.
2. When you leave, and my door is open, don’t say anything along the lines of, “Thank you, Mistress.” Neighbors walk their dogs and take out trash. Ma’am is fine.
3. Be discreet in appearance. If you are a CD or sissy, and can pass as trans, that’s fine. If your fetishwear looks like biker, emo, goth, punk or club kid clothes, that’s fine. If you show up dressed like Dr. Frank-N-Furter, even if you’re as hot as a young Tim Curry, that’s not discreet.
4. If you see me in public, unless we’re at a fetish event or I am at an adult store like Fascinations, Castle Boutique or Smokin’ Lingerie, do not approach or address me as “Mistress”. A wink, nod, knowing glance or a txt is fine.
5. If we are meeting in a public place, like for lunch or dinner, be discreet about the conversation. It is not discreet to mention your favorite dildo shapes while the waitress takes our drink order.
Your personal privacy is important. Some things may be common sense, while others are not. When you contact me (or another Pro-Domme), here are tips to get the level of discretion you require:
1. If you call a Domme, don’t want her to call you back, and either leave no message or an incomplete message, you may get a return call: “Hi, my name is P.P. Drinkwater, please don’t call me back, it’s afternoon, and I’m not going to leave my phone number, you’ll just have to guess which person to not call back.”
A way to prevent this is to txt a message requesting she does not call you, you’ll call back or email, as well as leaving a complete message where you repeat your details.
If you call from a restricted or blocked number, most Dommes will never answer.
2. If a Domme travels to you and is “outcall,” or is meeting you for a dinner or fetish event, it’s very smart to specify how suggestive or discreet her attire could be. I usually wear business casual clothing, then change.
3. Tell your Domme which scenario applies to you, because it’s not only common sense, each situation is different.
- It’s okay to call or txt and leave a discreet message or txt.
- It’s okay to call or txt, but no messages.
- It’s okay to call only, no txting or messages.
- It’s okay to txt only, no calling or messages.
- You’re visiting town for a few days, so it’s only okay to call/txt while you’re here.
- Only call or txt during specified times.
- Never call or txt, unless a message or txt is sent listing the times it’s okay to reply, or if you immediately reply.
- Something else you explain.
4. No marks, no obvious marks, and no marks that last more than a couple of hours are all different things.
5. If someone else has access to your email, let your Domme know to only send discreet replies. You already know how to clear your browser history and delete any copies in the “sent” email folder, right?
6. Established Pro-Dommes know to be discreet in public, like accidentally crossing paths at the grocery store. If you are likely to run into her at Lifestyle events and locations, such as BDSM workshops or at leather festivals, it’s wise to tell her how you’d like to handle it. Are you strangers? Are you a client? Have you casually met a long time ago?
Talking about what you consider to be discreet helps to prevent misunderstandings.