Category Archives: Safety

Don’t Domme Angry?

“The best fighter is never angry.”- Lao Tzu

Some subs try to irritate, offend and upset Dom/mes in an attempt to receive “punishment” or a very, very harsh treatment overall.  These subs believe that if they can truly anger a Dom/me, it will make the scene or session more intense. They believe everything will be more real.


I can’t speak for everyone, but will tell you that when someone treats me this way, as if it’s a test or manipulation, I will either completely shut out the person, or become very polite and gentle yet cold.   The reaction depends on the person, and how calculated I believe their behavior to be. They don’t get to experience the genuine intensity that they would have, by being straightforward and asking.

Disrespectful behavior should not be rewarded.  Along with that, I do what’s necessary to maintain self-control and avoid losing my temper and accidentally injuring someone.


Tell the Dom/me how harsh and intense you want and can handle. Don’t play childish games, where nobody wins.


“How mean is too mean? How nice is too nice?”

If we’ve met, odds are I’ve asked you that question.

  • I am multi-faceted, as many people are.
  • I have a sweet, nurturing side that delights in playfully guiding you through our shared fetishes.
  • I have a cruel, brutal, sadistic side that savors every moment of degrading and debasing you.
  • I get a thrill out of the power exchange, and a rush from control.  I also enjoy gently assisting those new to exploring BDSM.
  • I enjoy sensation play and sensual sadism, as well as when someone says the magic words, “You can leave marks.”
  • These, and everything in between, are all The Real Me.

I gauge a person’s desires based on their words and reactions, but no method is foolproof.  One person may have a great poker face*,  another may be too embarrassed to admit that only a high level of intensity puts them into subspace, yet another may feel the macho need to  endure what’s too rough for them.  Speak up!  This is one of the reasons why the stoplight safewords include the color yellow, not just green and red.

Whether you’re visiting with me or with someone else, one of the most important questions to honestly, thoroughly answer is this: “How mean is too mean?  How nice is too nice?”