Discretion Goes Both Ways

Discretion Goes Both Ways

It’s good to remember this, so everyone is happy and comfortable.


My own personal guidelines are as follows:

1. Any time you’re outside my door, don’t call me, “Mistress” or similar, and that includes not calling me “Mistress” or talking about your fetishes on your cell phone as you’re walking from your car to my door.

2.  When you leave, and my door is open, don’t say anything along the lines of, “Thank you, Mistress.”  Neighbors walk their dogs and take out trash.  Ma’am is fine.

3. Be discreet in appearance.  If you are a CD or sissy, and can pass as trans, that’s fine.  If your fetishwear looks like biker, emo, goth, punk or club kid clothes, that’s fine.  If you show up dressed like Dr. Frank-N-Furter, even if you’re as hot as a young Tim Curry, that’s not discreet.

4. If you see me in public, unless we’re at a fetish event or I am at an adult store like Fascinations, Castle Boutique or Smokin’ Lingerie, do not approach or address me as “Mistress”.  A wink, nod, knowing glance or a txt is fine.

5.  If we are meeting in a public place, like for lunch or dinner, be discreet about the conversation.  It is not discreet to mention your favorite dildo shapes while the waitress takes our drink order.

Your personal privacy is important.  Some things may be common sense, while others are not.  When you contact me (or another Pro-Domme), here are tips to get the level of discretion you require:

1. If you call a Domme, don’t want her to call you back, and either leave no message or an incomplete message, you may get a return call: “Hi, my name is P.P. Drinkwater, please don’t call me back, it’s afternoon, and I’m not going to leave my phone number, you’ll just have to guess which person to not call back.”


A way to prevent this is to txt a message requesting she does not call you, you’ll call back or email, as well as leaving a complete message where you repeat your details.

If you call from a restricted or blocked number, most Dommes will never answer.

2.  If a Domme travels to you and is “outcall,” or is meeting you for a dinner or fetish event, it’s very smart to specify how suggestive or discreet her attire could be.  I usually wear business casual clothing, then change.

3.  Tell your Domme which scenario applies to you, because it’s not only common sense, each situation is different.

  • It’s okay to call or txt and leave a discreet message or txt.
  • It’s okay to call or txt, but no messages.
  • It’s okay to call only, no txting or messages.
  • It’s okay to txt only, no calling or messages.
  • You’re visiting town for a few days, so it’s only okay to call/txt while you’re here.
  • Only call or txt during specified times.
  • Never call or txt, unless a message or txt is sent listing the times it’s okay to reply, or if you immediately reply.
  • Something else you explain.

4. No marks, no obvious marks, and no marks that last more than a couple of hours are all different things.

5.  If someone else has access to your email, let your Domme know to only send discreet replies.  You already know how to clear your browser history and delete any copies in the “sent” email folder, right?

6.  Established Pro-Dommes know to be discreet in public, like accidentally crossing paths at the grocery store.  If you are likely to run into her at Lifestyle events and locations, such as BDSM workshops or at leather festivals, it’s wise to tell her how you’d like to handle it.  Are you strangers?  Are you a client?  Have you casually met a long time ago?

Talking about what you consider to be discreet helps to prevent misunderstandings.


Hanging on the Telephone

Almost any Pro-Domme will tell you that she gets texts, phone calls and emails every day and night from people wanting to chat, or asking questions unrelated to scheduling sessions.

Some people become demanding, or claim that Pro-Dommes are all fakes and not really into (name a fetish), because we don’t feel like talking for free to a stranger about spanking, sissification, CBT, enemas, our personal lives or even what we’re wearing.  We especially don’t feel like it when we’re preparing for a client, running errands, or having a peaceful work-free moment out with friends.

Always be respectful.  There are few ways to get positive attention from a Pro-Domme, and many ways to get ignored or perhaps permanently blocked by her.

What do you offer her?  She’s already heard empty promises from hundreds, if not thousands of guys who are all going to buy her this, build her that, and someday come for a session… if she’ll talk to them for a while.  Even if you are telling the truth, why should she believe you are the exception to the rule?

Substantiate your promises before asking anything in return.  This is what will set you apart, and cause her to take you seriously.

  • You can provide good, recent references.
  • You can send her wishlist items, gift cards, money or gifts.
  • You can use email to state the reason behind your questions, then ask the questions.  She will then know the purpose behind you contacting her, and be able to answer at her leisure.
  • You can set up a phone session or NiteFlirt call for longer conversations.   My own NiteFlirt number is:  http://www.niteflirt.com/PrimalGenesis                                             1-800-TO-FLIRT Ext. 9990-883
  • Do NOT start with small talk.
  • Always, always quickly state your purpose.

If you’re not able to see this Pro-Domme for some time, you can follow her on social media, such as Twitter, and on websites like FetLife.  You might think that being disruptive will put you in her spotlight, but being polite and respectful will increase your value in her eyes.

“How mean is too mean? How nice is too nice?”

If we’ve met, odds are I’ve asked you that question.

  • I am multi-faceted, as many people are.
  • I have a sweet, nurturing side that delights in playfully guiding you through our shared fetishes.
  • I have a cruel, brutal, sadistic side that savors every moment of degrading and debasing you.
  • I get a thrill out of the power exchange, and a rush from control.  I also enjoy gently assisting those new to exploring BDSM.
  • I enjoy sensation play and sensual sadism, as well as when someone says the magic words, “You can leave marks.”
  • These, and everything in between, are all The Real Me.

I gauge a person’s desires based on their words and reactions, but no method is foolproof.  One person may have a great poker face*,  another may be too embarrassed to admit that only a high level of intensity puts them into subspace, yet another may feel the macho need to  endure what’s too rough for them.  Speak up!  This is one of the reasons why the stoplight safewords include the color yellow, not just green and red.

Whether you’re visiting with me or with someone else, one of the most important questions to honestly, thoroughly answer is this: “How mean is too mean?  How nice is too nice?”