Simple and Compound Interest

As a Pro-Domme, it’s important to be cautious regarding privacy, confidentiality, and discretion.  I have blogged about the latter two, but privacy also means different things to different people.

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Even if you did not request that I never call your phone, or never text, odds are that I will not contact you those ways, unless necessary.  I do not wish to intrude on anyone’s privacy, just as I expect that if you see Me in a public place, you will give a knowing look or wink, rather than asking if I got any new whips.

Several subs recently expressed that they felt I was not interested in seeing them again, because I didn’t call to follow up with them on setting future appointments.  That was not the case at all, in these instances.

If you want to see Me again, let Me know.

Of course I prefer to see the same favorite people more frequently, and for longer sessions.  If I compliment you, it is sincere.

Again: you should contact Me.

Worship from Afar

Sometimes, people ask Me how to stay in touch, when they are snowbirds, or not local to Arizona.

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It’s easy: I have a NiteFlirt line 1-800-TO-FLIRT Ext. 9990-883, and I also have several ways you can tribute when you directly call Me.  I have been a Distance Keyholder, done phone and text sessions, sent non-nude custom photos, arranged for email homework, written custom fetish stories, and orchestrated kinky scavenger hunts, just to name a few things.

Of course, distance is not the same as being in the same room as Me.  Because I do enjoy travel, I have taken sponsored trips.

If you wish to approach Me to discuss, it’s simple: send tribute to discuss, and email or call.  Double-check your contact details, as I sometimes get messages from people whose emails bounce when I reply.

Celebrate My Birthday, March 21st!

It’s almost March 21st… time for spankings and cake!
A few of you have asked about birthday presents. Gift cards and movie tickets are always appreciated. Giftrocket is a delight. It’s hard to have too much good rope, or too many stockings, or too many paddles, too much gemstone jewelry, or too many high end cosmetics… so those are safe guesses.

My Amazon Wishlists:
http://amzn.com/w/29Q4WON1ZQPY9

http://www.amazon.com/gp/registry/wishlist/3922N0TGAM1GR/

Want to send something via snailmail? Change the words into numerals.
Consult. Consulting
One 7 Five 3 East Broadway Road #101
Box 254
Tempe, AZ eight5282

Thanks to those of you who sent, or are sending, birthday wishes!

“When is good for You, Mistress?”

“When is good for You, Mistress?”

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People wanting to schedule often say this, in an effort to be respectfully submissive.  The intention may be pure, but the result is inconvenience and wasted time.

 

Ask yourself this: You’re at work, and a client wants to have a meeting with you, and asks you to peruse your calendar and list all of the times you have free during the next two weeks.  Now imagine you are on-call for work 12-hour days or longer… some of you don’t have to imagine that!  Is going over everything in your schedule easier than if the client gave you a rough idea of when they’re free, like late afternoon weekdays, or their top three picks for times?

 

When you are ready to schedule with Me, or another Dom/me, it is best to present three or four schedule options, and then state that you are flexible except for the days or times you are not.  This will make Her or His job easier, and it shows that you are respectful.

Don’t Domme Angry?

“The best fighter is never angry.”- Lao Tzu

Some subs try to irritate, offend and upset Dom/mes in an attempt to receive “punishment” or a very, very harsh treatment overall.  These subs believe that if they can truly anger a Dom/me, it will make the scene or session more intense. They believe everything will be more real.

WRONG

I can’t speak for everyone, but will tell you that when someone treats me this way, as if it’s a test or manipulation, I will either completely shut out the person, or become very polite and gentle yet cold.   The reaction depends on the person, and how calculated I believe their behavior to be. They don’t get to experience the genuine intensity that they would have, by being straightforward and asking.

Disrespectful behavior should not be rewarded.  Along with that, I do what’s necessary to maintain self-control and avoid losing my temper and accidentally injuring someone.

 

Tell the Dom/me how harsh and intense you want and can handle. Don’t play childish games, where nobody wins.

 

Discretion Goes Both Ways

Discretion Goes Both Ways

It’s good to remember this, so everyone is happy and comfortable.

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My own personal guidelines are as follows:

1. Any time you’re outside my door, don’t call me, “Mistress” or similar, and that includes not calling me “Mistress” or talking about your fetishes on your cell phone as you’re walking from your car to my door.

2.  When you leave, and my door is open, don’t say anything along the lines of, “Thank you, Mistress.”  Neighbors walk their dogs and take out trash.  Ma’am is fine.

3. Be discreet in appearance.  If you are a CD or sissy, and can pass as trans, that’s fine.  If your fetishwear looks like biker, emo, goth, punk or club kid clothes, that’s fine.  If you show up dressed like Dr. Frank-N-Furter, even if you’re as hot as a young Tim Curry, that’s not discreet.

4. If you see me in public, unless we’re at a fetish event or I am at an adult store like Fascinations, Castle Boutique or Smokin’ Lingerie, do not approach or address me as “Mistress”.  A wink, nod, knowing glance or a txt is fine.

5.  If we are meeting in a public place, like for lunch or dinner, be discreet about the conversation.  It is not discreet to mention your favorite dildo shapes while the waitress takes our drink order.

Your personal privacy is important.  Some things may be common sense, while others are not.  When you contact me (or another Pro-Domme), here are tips to get the level of discretion you require:

1. If you call a Domme, don’t want her to call you back, and either leave no message or an incomplete message, you may get a return call: “Hi, my name is P.P. Drinkwater, please don’t call me back, it’s afternoon, and I’m not going to leave my phone number, you’ll just have to guess which person to not call back.”

 

A way to prevent this is to txt a message requesting she does not call you, you’ll call back or email, as well as leaving a complete message where you repeat your details.

If you call from a restricted or blocked number, most Dommes will never answer.

2.  If a Domme travels to you and is “outcall,” or is meeting you for a dinner or fetish event, it’s very smart to specify how suggestive or discreet her attire could be.  I usually wear business casual clothing, then change.

3.  Tell your Domme which scenario applies to you, because it’s not only common sense, each situation is different.

  • It’s okay to call or txt and leave a discreet message or txt.
  • It’s okay to call or txt, but no messages.
  • It’s okay to call only, no txting or messages.
  • It’s okay to txt only, no calling or messages.
  • You’re visiting town for a few days, so it’s only okay to call/txt while you’re here.
  • Only call or txt during specified times.
  • Never call or txt, unless a message or txt is sent listing the times it’s okay to reply, or if you immediately reply.
  • Something else you explain.

4. No marks, no obvious marks, and no marks that last more than a couple of hours are all different things.

5.  If someone else has access to your email, let your Domme know to only send discreet replies.  You already know how to clear your browser history and delete any copies in the “sent” email folder, right?

6.  Established Pro-Dommes know to be discreet in public, like accidentally crossing paths at the grocery store.  If you are likely to run into her at Lifestyle events and locations, such as BDSM workshops or at leather festivals, it’s wise to tell her how you’d like to handle it.  Are you strangers?  Are you a client?  Have you casually met a long time ago?

Talking about what you consider to be discreet helps to prevent misunderstandings.

 

Hanging on the Telephone

Almost any Pro-Domme will tell you that she gets texts, phone calls and emails every day and night from people wanting to chat, or asking questions unrelated to scheduling sessions.

Some people become demanding, or claim that Pro-Dommes are all fakes and not really into (name a fetish), because we don’t feel like talking for free to a stranger about spanking, sissification, CBT, enemas, our personal lives or even what we’re wearing.  We especially don’t feel like it when we’re preparing for a client, running errands, or having a peaceful work-free moment out with friends.

Always be respectful.  There are few ways to get positive attention from a Pro-Domme, and many ways to get ignored or perhaps permanently blocked by her.

What do you offer her?  She’s already heard empty promises from hundreds, if not thousands of guys who are all going to buy her this, build her that, and someday come for a session… if she’ll talk to them for a while.  Even if you are telling the truth, why should she believe you are the exception to the rule?

Substantiate your promises before asking anything in return.  This is what will set you apart, and cause her to take you seriously.

  • You can provide good, recent references.
  • You can send her wishlist items, gift cards, money or gifts.
  • You can use email to state the reason behind your questions, then ask the questions.  She will then know the purpose behind you contacting her, and be able to answer at her leisure.
  • You can set up a phone session or NiteFlirt call for longer conversations.   My own NiteFlirt number is:  http://www.niteflirt.com/PrimalGenesis                                             1-800-TO-FLIRT Ext. 9990-883
  • Do NOT start with small talk.
  • Always, always quickly state your purpose.

If you’re not able to see this Pro-Domme for some time, you can follow her on social media, such as Twitter, and on websites like FetLife.  You might think that being disruptive will put you in her spotlight, but being polite and respectful will increase your value in her eyes.

“How mean is too mean? How nice is too nice?”

If we’ve met, odds are I’ve asked you that question.

  • I am multi-faceted, as many people are.
  • I have a sweet, nurturing side that delights in playfully guiding you through our shared fetishes.
  • I have a cruel, brutal, sadistic side that savors every moment of degrading and debasing you.
  • I get a thrill out of the power exchange, and a rush from control.  I also enjoy gently assisting those new to exploring BDSM.
  • I enjoy sensation play and sensual sadism, as well as when someone says the magic words, “You can leave marks.”
  • These, and everything in between, are all The Real Me.

I gauge a person’s desires based on their words and reactions, but no method is foolproof.  One person may have a great poker face*,  another may be too embarrassed to admit that only a high level of intensity puts them into subspace, yet another may feel the macho need to  endure what’s too rough for them.  Speak up!  This is one of the reasons why the stoplight safewords include the color yellow, not just green and red.

Whether you’re visiting with me or with someone else, one of the most important questions to honestly, thoroughly answer is this: “How mean is too mean?  How nice is too nice?”

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Boundaries: Use the Force???

Over time, both in my personal and professional kink-related lives, people have expressed disappointment, regret, and even anger that I didn’t “force” them to do something I was explicitly asked to not do.  This has led to relationships ending… or never fully starting.  This has led to fights that never had to happen.  This has led to frustration.

It all boils down to communication and respect, as well as understanding the difference between fantasy and reality.

What most people want is a fun feeling of helplessness and freedom from responsibility… They don’t want someone to cross an actual boundary, but they also don’t want to ask, because they’re embarrassed, or because then it’s not real to them.

Some people can effectively communicate this within a scene, by playfully imitating Brer Rabbit, only instead of begging not to be thrown into a briar patch, it’s about their fetish:  “Oh please, Mistress, the most terrible thing in the world would be to make me sniff your shoes!  I don’t know what I’d do if you made me sniff your black stilettos, red patent platforms, well-worn flip-flops, or even a dirty pair of gym socks.  Oh, I’d just be so humiliated!”

I strongly prefer it when people let me know in advance, that they enjoy fantasy coercion, force, blackmail, roleplaying that crosses cultural taboos, or other things that would be completely unethical if done for real, rather than play.  They let me know what their actual hard limits are, along with pretend boundaries, and areas where they want their limits tested.  This is very beneficial to planning, getting in the right headspace, as well as knowing where things can (and can’t) be safely steered, so everyone can relax and enjoy the experience.

Expecting a Dom/me to read your mind is a very, very dangerous thing… and not fun, play dangerous.  Some people don’t even consider or care about that, because the desire for an unexplored fantasy has grown so intense, they only want relief at any physical or emotional cost.  But let’s look at this from a different perspective: If you convince someone that you have a hard boundary… what are they odds that they’ll ignore it?  What are the odds that you’ll never see your fantasy become reality?  What are the odds that Dom/me will ever see you again, if they feel you’re not stable or mature enough to know and communicate where your real boundaries actually are?

How Do I Know You’re Real?

“How Do I Know You’re Real?”This is a question I’ve been repeatedly asked by those seeking my Pro-Domme services. Previously, I responded as if that were an insult–anyone who’d spent five minutes doing due diligence should know the answer!A few recent conversations caused me to reconsider my response.

I’ve been using computers since early childhood.  I started using the internet long before I got a driver’s license.  It can be easy to forget the technological generation gap.  Additionally, some novices may not know how to do their homework.

A few clients and potential clients have told me stories of women claiming to be professionals, whom collected deposits and then disappeared.  Of course, this offends me, both because it’s wrong, and because it makes establishing trust more difficult for legitimate Pro-Dommes.  I found a pattern in the things they either did not establish, or did not look for… if they did any research at all.

What follows here, is some advice on finding legitimate Professional Dominas:

1. Website

Does she have a website?  Is it an informative website, with facts about the Domme, her specialties, her sessions, her experience, etc…?

Can you see that her website has been up for a while?  Is it a free site, or one where she paid for hosting?

 

2. Where she advertises

Does she advertise on places that charge to advertise, or require an approval process?  Backpage is the most obvious place to mention, but some BDSM websites charge to be included and/or featured in the listings.  Click around to see how someone can become featured and/or listed on these sites, to discover if it involves things like an ad fee, a thorough application, references, or anything else that would discourage a scammer.

Some sites even show when someone’s account was created.

Continue reading How Do I Know You’re Real?

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